Rise, Renew, reconnect.
Welcome to from the Ashes, a podcast where every episode ignites hope and healing.
I'm your host, Valerie Huang Beck, and I'm on a mission to help you embrace your unique potential and become the vibrant visionary you knew you were meant to be.
Shadows may come try to tear you apart, but you're the flame.
All right, Paul, thank you for being here with me today. We are in Amsterdam right now. Amsterdam, actually, at Mind Valley. You.
Yeah.
And I happened to meet this wonderful person.
He has done so much in his life, and it's just a real privilege and honor to get your perspective because you've been wildly successful on the very, like, you know, conventional success side.
But that's not what you're here to talk about.
No.
And I. I actually want to start with some of your philosophy today because you mentioned some things the other day that I thought were just very powerful and unconventional.
And you see things from this huge perspective,
and one that I think is counter to a lot of what even a lot of spiritual people are trying to do in this world today.
And, you know, we are here at a conference where everyone is into spirituality, but there's a lot of, you know, talk of thinking bigger and growing bigger and, like, getting to the top.
And something that you said to me that really stuck with me the other day is this deconstruction and revolution of self.
So let's start from there.
Okay. All right, then. Yeah.
Well,
hello, everyone. Watching this and enjoying. I'm Paul, as. As introduced, and I have. I hail from England originally. I live in Hawaii now for 23.
And I have had quite the life. And as you say, one of the aspects of this that I've been going through for a lot of my life is this rebellion.
So early on in my life,
I had some real strong challenges with family and my parents divorcing. And it created this sort of rebel in me. And at first there was some unhealthy dynamics to that, but as I've gone through my life, that rebel has stayed with me.
And it's somebody who. So I basically,
you know, I question. I'm one of those kids that questions the priest or the teacher or my father. And quite often, I came up with questions that would have them completely and utterly,
like, confused and actually said to me, oh,
you can't ask that question, or only God knows, or this kind of thing. And so it led me on this path,
no matter what I was doing was to the unconventional. So I would go outside the box. I would see things from that perspective. And then I would get inspired to do things a different way.
I wasn't ready for where that was going to lead me. And it certainly has led me some very challenging places. But ultimately this understanding of the deconstruction.
So self Revolution came about. My book title, funny enough, you were talking about people like being bigger. My book is actually called the Big you and the Context. So initially people think maybe that is this idea of ingratiation, but it's actually this idea of when,
when you remove everything that you added to yourself,
you actually recognize that you have everything that you had was worth more than anything you added to yourself. So in other words,
through this life of trying to be more, you've actually polluted your, your essence. And that essence is one with everything, and that is the big you. And so often all of us are playing on a small scale this identity, this personality, and we're trying to make that bigger, we're trying to ingratiate that,
we're trying to improve on that because it in itself,
it's a small construct that we've created because we're holding ourselves back.
And so the self revolution aspect of this is that you revolt against yourself.
And one of the things, when people ask me, what do I do? I say, I travel the world and incite revolution.
And then they'll, they'll normally say, oh, hang on, what's that? That's like, like a small, you work for the American government. Like small countries, you like, supply them arms. I'm like, no, no, no, it's self revolution.
And then people are like, okay, what's that mean? And I say when you look in the mirror and you find yourself revolting.
And so in that context,
there's two levels. So normally people at that point look, have a weird look on their face and they think I just insulted them. But essentially you're in the act of self revolution, so you find yourself revolting.
Oh my God, I'm, I'm here, I'm actually questioning my life. I'm looking in the mirror and I recognize the cost wasn't worth the payoff.
And so, and the thing is about that is that the cost is never worth the payoff. So whatever you're doing in your life,
what the cost is is authenticity. So you're paying for everything. You're trying to get with your authenticity and it is never worth it because what actually you get for that is something that matches your inauthenticity.
So I just sort of break that down. So that's bit clearer. So essentially you here's your natural expressions as child is just like expressing out love is coming through you.
You're like in this expression thing. And, and then as an adult you learn to have an agenda and you're like, I want to get something, I want to improve myself, I want to ingratiate myself.
And so you adjust yourself to get something.
But then what you get matches the adjustment. In other words, it matches who you've become to get it, even if that's subtle. And so what happens is then when you get the thing now to retain it, you have to retain the person you've become to get it.
So in a job or in a relationship,
these kind of things, or even in your own mind when you say this is who I am and this is my mindset and this is. And so you become attached to that because you've actually kind of like moved away.
You've let go of the trust of your own authentic guidance and you've moved into this thing of trying to ingratiate yourself from the world's perspective.
And so at a certain point you recognize this and then you go, I can't do this anymore. And no matter how you might be successful and handsome or pretty or healthy and all these things, but if it's cost you in the sense that you recognize you betrayed yourself, which is the act of self betrayal is basically each moment it sounds like big,
right? But really we do it every little moment. Like it's like we say yes when we mean no or we say no when we mean yes. And it's very simple.
Like so many of us are very,
very difficult to say no, thank you. And so we say yes. We try to people, please. And so yes say yes and yes, yes. And then we build up this resentment and then eventually that's what anger or irritation is, is when we finally go enough.
But the thing is to actually the deconstruction, the self revolution is when you recognize this and you start living a different way. You start from that place and someone offers you something, you check and you go thank you or yes please, but you're not attached to the actual result.
And so self revolution is what is basically the work. It's like I say to people, don't talk to me if you want to survive.
Because for me a successful experience for somebody, whether it be through the events I put on or through a conversation,
is where a little part of them, you've got to put a little bit of your self baggage down, a little bit of that pollution down. And so in that context, every time you put Something down.
It's a purification.
So it's a completely different model for operating in life.
Okay, so before I deconstruct all of that with a ton of questions, let's actually,
let's actually put this onto how that's impacted your life and your life story. So I know that you've been wildly successful. You've been in the music industry both as producer marketer.
Right. And so, like, he's done some really big things. It was in Europe.
Yeah, yeah. In the UK. I was in the UK for like 20 years. I ran pretty much the biggest marketing promotion company in the club music scene. And that involved Studios, labels, remixing, DJing,
marketing. And eventually we were doing everyone from Madonna to you to. To the super underground to the super mainstream. Like, we even had a company that did the whole Spice Girls thing.
So it was very.
It kind of got very broad and we. We kind of dominated the market, actually. Yeah.
Okay.
In my 20s.
Crazy. Yeah. That's another lesson. That's a lesson about following your bliss. Because I love music and that's why I went for it. So it was a very, very cool lesson to have.
Following your bliss can and will bring you success and abundance in all other areas. It wasn't my goal. My goal wasn't success and abundance. My goal was passion and being like a champion for this music that was coming through in this club scene that I wanted the rest of the world to feel so.
Which is kind of what I'm doing today these days in the ecstatic dance. Is that starting to take hold around the world? So that was what drove me, is to share this experience of joy and connection with other people.
And because I was driven by that, it basically then fed me in the sense of success and money and abundance. And it's something that I teach for a lot of people.
Carry on.
Okay,
so I want to include that in the story though, because for some people that abundance and it's elusive even though they are following their passion.
But what I wanted to ask you about this is,
well, then when did it start to go sideways?
Because I know that you then went on a five year,
like, spiritual traveling journey. And then I read also that, you know, you did like 15, at least 15 years, if not more of, of deep spiritual work.
Right.
To get to where you are.
Yeah, it's about. It's about 30 years now.
Okay, 30 years. There we go. Right.
Of workshops.
Yeah, yeah.
All the things.
So, I mean, and I'm assuming it was all worth it to drop everything and to go this other way. But you know, at first you were doing this as a passion.
And so when did the passion become not passion?
Right. So this is the, this is the thing is that we get.
This is what, this is where the self revolution moments happen and they, they sort of.
The context is that ultimately the highest realization is to understand that we're not an identity.
And so the part of us that thinks it's somebody having an experience is actually the somebody that's creating the problems for us. And then they reflect in our interactions with others what we are actually is a constant.
We're continually changing. In the dao they talk about you can't step in the same river twice because every time you go back the river's flowing and so it's new water.
But what they don't talk about is that the you stepping in the river is a different person than the day before. We are affected,
changed all the time. But we're not only affected in that way. Literally physiologically,
our cells are dying and new ones are being born. So this whole concept of us being a continuity is actually a false concept that creates the suffering of retaining our identity.
And so what happened is in following my **** bliss and passion about the, the music,
I started to get to this point where I was so quote unquote important in the industry and had to deliver results that, that became sort of, that overpowered.
So I would still do my DJing and my making music, which was, but a lot of it became like delivery and you know, it's got to be here by this time and we number one in this time.
And so it got to the point where if it wasn't number one, if I didn't get number one that week, it was a failure week.
So when you've arrived at the point where you have to hit the bullseye every time,
then you know, it's like, it's like wake up call. So I had a wake up call and I really saw the sort of, the transitory nature and the bubblegum nature of where I ended up and how mainstream the whole thing had become.
And it was less about the, the likes, the what it, the effect it had on people in the movement, and it was more about this, the money game of it.
And I just saw that, that, you know, I basically felt that I almost like I betrayed myself, but I'd also kind of betrayed the music that I'd love. I mean, you know when, when you look above and that's probably a, A, a larger judgment than actually really happened, but I was just,
I felt A little lost. I felt a little like I, I'd lost my way.
And, and I just, basically,
I just, I just woke up one day and I just went, I can't do this anymore. I'm like, I just really was able to see that, that, you know, that success, money and fame,
you know, were not. And, and you know, I call them the three Western gods, actually, which is time,
time, money and sex. Which is essentially either you're doing something to have, Create attraction in you, which is the sexuality part. You want people to find you attractive, you want to attract the right person for your life, and you want that kind of thing, or you want the money so that you have the power,
or you're like constantly, you know, but what you're paying with in a lot of times is your time. And you end up paying for your time for something in the future rather than living now.
And so I started to not so much enjoy the process like I had when it started, but it was always like, oh my God, I'm answering the calls, trying to get the mix done.
And everything, everything became like this pressure, this insistence,
and I realized it wasn't worth it. So I had that self revolution moment. I had that moment and I went,
I can't do this anymore.
And, and I basically, I walked into my, I went to a workshop. Funny of my first ever workshop back then.
And it just changed me completely. There's a much deeper story. If you read my book, it describes this in some detail,
but essentially I saw that everything was me in this workshop, had this deconstruction moment. And as the less of me there was, the more I saw I was everybody else.
So as, as the barrier of my individuality dropped away, I saw there was no separation.
And this changed everything for me. And I actually came out that workshop and I spent two days in a hotel. I couldn't go anywhere. I was like, I couldn't function.
I was like, oh,
everything is different to how I saw it.
And then I came back, I got my directors together,
and I said, hey, guys, you're doing a great job. Carry on.
I'm going on a sabbatical.
And I basically never came back.
And that's when I decided I, I, I kind of spent three months in my,
like, it was kind of like a green English green garden. And I just would go out there and I would sit at, sit and look at the sky and just be like,
what is this all about? So those very big, profound questions came up because that when you get the fame, money and success,
what happens is that you recognize that everybody is after these things, and they think these things are going to give us what we all want, which is like, happiness and joy.
But essentially underneath that is peace, is to be at peace, to feel like, oh, I'm safe and I'm provided for and I can trust and I'm in a.
So it's this sort of relief that we kind of adopted this idea that unless we're doing stuff that's not available,
and so you create this idea that you're the one who's providing for yourself. And yet, actually,
what really is happening is there's divine providence. In other words, everybody is being provided for if they are willing to open up and accept it and trust that process.
But we are all thinking that it's down to us, and if we don't do it, nobody else will. And so I had this big sort of schism in this place, and I saw that I wasn't happy.
So I was successful. I was busy. I was running around doing things, but I wasn't happy. I wasn't at peace. I was stressed about the whole thing all the time is constantly every.
Trying to get that hit that. That bullseye.
And, you know, and I. So. So the game was up. It's like, once you get to that point, you go, okay, this isn't the answer.
The thing is, most people in the world, and maybe a lot of people watching this podcast,
believe that is the answer. So they believe the success and the money and the wealth and the. The material goods will give them this sense of achievement and completion. But as I say, if they've actually paid for it with their authenticity,
then actually it doesn't. And you recognize that you've sabotaged yourself for the sake of something that actually doesn't pay you off.
Okay, so I have a question. This is actually for me and also some of my clients, because I work with a lot of people who are in burnout. A lot of them are artists like me, dancers, visual artists, whatnot.
And some of us burnt out before we got the success.
And we saw kind of like the. The veil was lifted, but at the same time, like,
we still don't have that experience of what success is. And so it's.
You know, we know that it might not necessarily bring us happiness, but there's also something in us where it's like, we want to have the experience of that.
So what is your take on how to navigate that? Because,
you know, I want to work hard, and I want to do all these things, make money, all that. I Do see that it doesn't necessarily bring me happiness,
but I have, you know, what my soul is calling me to do.
So you feel free to deconstruct that however you would like.
Okay, so the, you know, the main thing here is, is what do we define as successful?
And so as I say, the idea that we got sold. So as children, we're not thinking in those terms. As a child, you're not thinking.
You might be thinking, oh, I'd like a fast car, because that looks fun.
But you're not really thinking, oh, I want a car for status, or I want a nice house, because then I will feel safe. I want. You're not really thinking like that.
This is something that we adopt afterwards,
and we believe that it gives us some value.
And the only reason we would even adopt the idea of acquisition of value is because we devalue ourselves.
And so the whole process of achieving success is on the basis that we do not feel that who we are, as we are when we come in, has intrinsic value.
We believe that value is acquired through tasks, achievements,
and then the accolades of others seeing those tasks and achievements and saying, yes, you did good. And then you're going, oh, I did good. Oh, oh, I've got followers, I've got money, I've got.
I've sold this many records or whatever it is, right?
I've got this many listeners to your podcast, whatever it is. And so then there's this idea that, that gives you more value. And the only reason you would be seeking value is because,
excuse me, is because you had decided that you inherently didn't have it in the first place. You see, so the whole context of agenda is I is. Is basically there's only one intention behind agenda is approval.
In other words, approval is how we see we acquire value.
And even if that approval is self approval, and in other words, even if it's like somebody comes up and says something to you, but you look and you go, oh, I've got 100 more followers.
And you give yourself this little endorphin hit in your brain of, oh, I must be worth a little bit more.
And then, you know, a little bit. And so then we. So, so essentially we've decided on this context. This is the operating system of humanity. So this is why this is so prevalent.
So the operating system of humanity is, is basically based on like, so your personality or your jobs, and what you do is like say, the application. So we've all got computers or smartphones, right?
We understand applications, and then we have different smartphones and Then the smartphone has an operating system. And whether it be Apple or Google or Microsoft or whatever, or, you know, Samsung or whatever, so they have a different operating system.
And those operating systems get upgraded, and every now and again they get upgraded and you go, oh great. We've got this new ability to apply to our applications, whichever it might be.
And then if you collectively looked at your phone and all the applications you had and all your information,
that would be your personality.
But it's built on this operating system. And so this operating system, the first like, the first like movement from. So if everything is, if we're all one and everything is one thing, and this is like from a religious perspective or an ancient knowledge perspective, or from a scientific quantum perspective,
ultimately,
you know, even if you look at the whole magnetic spectrum, it's the same thing. It's wavelength and frequency and different relationships between that give you light and sound and, you know, music and gamma rays and all these things, these are all the same thing at a different rate and frequency,
like wavelengths and frequency. So it's like, you know, that's, that's, that's basically when you break it down. So we know that potentially ultimately everything is one thing.
Yeah.
And so the separation thing from a human perspective in building our operating system was like, okay, good and bad, right and wrong, right or good and evil, if you want to be more like strong about it.
And so the idea is that we decided, okay, what's good? Good is gain. So if we get something, it's a good thing. And if we lose something, we decided it was a bad thing.
So if you really look at every human being that's ever existed in all the different civilizations, that was what it was based on. It was based on that because the, the, the first levels of like Maslow's Haki is like, is the reptilian brain is survival.
So we're looking for food, we're looking for shelter, we're looking for this eating. So, so the day that we caught something to eat or found something to eat, berries or whatever was a good day.
The day we didn't, we went hungry.
That's a whole different conversation. Because hunger is actually a necessary thing for our evolution. But that's a different conversation. But the point is we may mistakenly started to have this build.
This concept of acquisition was good and losing anything was bad.
But as I said, going back to what I was talking about earlier,
when you acquire, so here's your expression, is your adjustment to get something. So this is the agenda and what you're trying to get is actually something that you think will give you more value.
So you will have. So this is why you're looking for the approval.
So whether you, you know, a child sings for itself,
a singer might sing for an audience to feel that, that she has value or that her singing is actually any good or whatever, or a dancer and it, and if nobody's watching,
is it any bad? Worse than 10,000 people watching. But in the sense of an ego and the acquisition, the small you looking to acquire something, it's the approval that, that that is actually being sought.
And so the approval will adjust the expression. So the expression. An artist, someone like Van Gogh, wanted to keep away from everybody. And he definitely had some surreal moments because he didn't want to be influenced.
He wanted the expression to be poor.
And so there's a lot of artists over the years that actually, that we remember because they did that. But they had some troubling times because they were trying to, still trying to fight this, this dynamic.
Right.
And, and so when you become, let's say commercialized, which is the minute you adjust something to get something, it's a commercial adventure, it's a trade. So now it's not the expression.
And so artists, art is the expression of love into form.
Okay, so we are. All this energy that I talked about earlier, you could use another word for it and you could say it is love.
So that is love. So love is the in, is the. Is that like, is the,
is the makeup of the universe. I, I mean it's like I actually have. But love is also the, it's the absence of conditions.
So anything that has a condition isn't love, it's a trade.
So the minute you start using art to acquire something, it's now become a commercialized version.
And you will, even if you don't fully understand it, you will adjust yourself. And so that's why sometimes you see in movies, I get the artist and the agent and they kind of quavel and everything.
You say, I want to be the artist. Yeah, but if you want to be seen, you've got to do it this way or whatever. And then some people do art and become commercialized, like graphic design or whatever.
And then so success becomes the goal. Success meaning either I'm going to get paid more, I'm going to get more, people tell me I'm good rather than the expression.
And so this is what we do in art, but also what we do in many things. And so then what happens is you get to a certain stage in your artistic expression and you realize the cost wasn't worth the payoff.
You're like, ****. And you're like, no, I want to do what I want to do.
Yeah.
And so the thing is, it's. It's that. It's that trust.
And then on the other side,
so, so basically we said good is game, bad is lost. But actually in this context, when you adjust who you are to get something,
you actually are polluting yourself.
Yeah.
And so it's actually bad gain.
And then loss on that side is actually like a purification. So it's like someone saying, you don't need to pick up, carry that anymore. So when you put something down,
when you put down some limiting,
like beliefs about yourself, like a baggage, and you put it down, then you're actually purifying yourself.
So the operating system that all of 95% of humans have always run on is good gain, bad loss, and it affects everything.
But really, the truth is, it's good loss, bad gain. In other words, loss is this purification process which keeps you in the moment, which keeps you from betraying yourself because you, like, literally, you're always putting down that which would hinder your natural expression.
Now, that can be an art, but it also can be in every conversation. It can be just. You're walking down the street and you feel, oh, I want to go this way.
So you follow it. So you get.
You tune in to that guidance which we all have,
and we know it because we feel at peace when it's happening.
So when you're trying to get something, you're an insistence.
So you're trying to get something and you're like, insisting. So when you become an artist, but, like, insisting, I want to be seen. I want people to see me. I want to get on that bill.
And you start becoming something, you're not to do it then, even if you do it.
The interesting thing is that when you get the success that you're after,
it doesn't land because you became something, you're not to get it. So when, even if people say,
I love you, you're amazing. This is wonderful, you go,
you don't really know me.
You know what I'm being to get that response.
And so the more you get there, so initially you go, oh, this is amazing.
Yeah.
But after a while,
like, you know, see some artists who are doing really good for a while, they're like, I've got to change this. I got to shift. Not that I follow Taylor Swift at all, but I remember during COVID she went back to her country roots and did two folk albums that she just wrote herself and she went from this big production studios and all the rest of it and those two albums end up being super,
super successful.
And, and you know, when she talks about it, she said, I just really needed to strip away everything and get back to what really why I'd got into this. This little girl that had been writing songs as a 10 year old.
And,
and so she went back to that and that and people were like, oh, community. So it's like believing that your, your true expression is actually has more value than anything you could try to be.
So that's the, that's the thing. And it's like, I know my line, I think I said at the start, which I normally say at the end, but the point is, is that everything you added to yourself is the less than what you came in with.
So it's. By putting things down, by stripping away, you, you're kind of purifying the channel so that what can come through can come through.
And so that is ultimately where you're going to find the fulfillment that you think you're going to get from the accolade of money or success or followers or these kind of things.
And this crazy thing is that when you really do that from that place,
it's like it's intrinsically motivating.
Yeah.
In other words, if you're not doing something that is fulfilling you in the moment, you're doing, quote unquote, the wrong thing,
you're either in insistence, you're trying to make it happen, or, or you're in resistance trying not to lose what you've acquired for making it happen. Both things keep you in inauthentic and that's why they don't fulfill you.
Yeah.
So it's like, and you can either you, but you can play that game for as long as you want until you sort of arrive at it sort of thing, or you can start to come from this place of intrinsic motivation and just this feels right.
I'm going to do this because I feel great in it. It's. It provides its own thing and you get the fulfillment in the action.
Yeah.
So rather than doing things on a trade basis, what am I going to get for this? You go, wow, this feels great doing this. So I will do that. And we all know when we're playing or singing or dancing or jumping in some cold water or looking at a sunset or tasting some amazing food,
there's a moment where we forget our brains, we forget all the agendas, we forget everything and we're in the moment and we're loving it. And that's the only.
The expression that comes through us. That creative expression is so that we can witness the magnificence we are. That as a child, we all learned to suppress, which is why we started this whole game of acquisition in the first place.
It's us holding ourselves back and we call it society. But it was us adopting this idea that what we were was too much.
But we turned it into. Instead of saying so we turned it inside it. Like kids, like, you're too much. Be quiet, go to this. So we kind of. We adopt that and we start to suppress ourselves.
So this is why we're exhausted, holding ourselves back.
But another way of saying too much is you're more than enough.
So this whole thing today, when people are saying you're enough, you're enough,
I call. That's bullshit. Sorry to swear, but that's basically. It's not true. You're not enough. Because if I was a little, if I was a child and at school, I don't know if you remember when I was going to school,
sweets were actually given to children a lot. That's why I've got a lot of fillings. But basically sweets were given to children as a. Like a reward, right? So we got trained this endorphin hit, eating the sugar reward.
So we get trained for this and we want to keep doing this. And so basically they would give the sweets and they. And like you take them to school and you go, and if you only had a few, and you said, oh, they're nice, can I have some?
And I'd look. And I go,
I've only got enough for me. I've just got enough.
What have you got? And you go, well, I've got some lemon bom bombs. I go, okay, you can have my strawberry sherbert and the two lemon bon bons and you start a trade.
And this is how it all starts. It's enoughness, which is. Comes from this suppression.
Because you don't want to be too much. Because that got like shamed as a child. You got too much, too big, too loud.
So now you just think you're like, I'm enough, I'm enough. But enough doesn't give you any abundance.
And the fact of the matter is you are more than enough. That too much is the same thing as saying, I'm more than enough.
All of us were born the source of all our abundance and everything is within us.
So we're like a spring that's like coming out of the ocean coming out the earth, and we capped it. And every day we're trying to keep that spring and we let a little bit out,
but really.
And so that's why. And as a child, you're like,
just like.
So the idea is that you are the source and it's. You only feel it.
So you. And when you cap it, you're trying to get love. So all this approval is trying to get the love that you don't think you have. So as a singer or a performer, you're like, I want to feel loved, I want to feel value.
Because you decided I'm too much.
Because you heard these. These messages, and so you decided I'm not. That part of me is not lovable. I got to hide it away.
And so now you create this false stuff and constantly try and edit it to attain the love, but it never lands because you know it's not you. And ultimately.
And the crazy thing is that the reason you don't have the energy is because you're holding yourself back. You're like, in this fight with yourself so that when you allow this to come out,
you actually feel. The reason you don't feel love and you think you want to get it is because you are love. And it's only in the loving,
the expression of love, that you can feel it.
And love is the absence of conditions.
And so any agenda,
including success or whatever,
would be a condition.
So if you put a condition on your expression of who you are,
you then turn it into a compromise, which is therefore wants something in return. While I compromise, I've been in a thing I want to pay off.
And then it never happens. And you cycle and cycle. So the only way to get off that game is to get off the game and to stop insisting.
Yeah.
To try and get something. Stop resisting holding onto something. So when you feel something challenging in life, you step in.
Yeah.
And you say, and what? Oh, I wonder what I can put down here. I wonder what baggage that I've been carrying in my backpack that I don't need anymore that's holding me back, that my keeping it safe is stopping me from making that big decision in my life that's going to open me up,
that's going to. That I'm going to discover that place.
And so you stop insisting, you stop resisting, and you start living from this place of what can I. How can I express the moment? What can I bring to the moment?
What part of me, and you know what,
what wants to be expressed because it feels good.
Yeah.
It intrinsically motivates you. You feel great in the action of you finish and everyone's going, well done. You're like, it was amazing. I feel amazing.
So. And you know, and all you healers out there that might be watching this, you've had sessions where you finish the session and you feel like you could float out the room and it was you, you were equal receivers of the, of the greatness of that session.
Or you can work all week and go, I'm so exhausted. My clients, oh my God, I feel so drained. I need to, I need to kind of make sure I'm protecting my aura.
I need to make sure I'm protecting my energy. I need to.
And so I know this might be a bit radical, but essentially then you are doing it with an agenda. So you can't.
Like the healing is actually you giving them the inspiration to show them that actually they don't. That the healing is the removal of their limitation. So you have to live that as opposed to quote unquote, try to fix them.
Yeah.
Because what you're trying to fix is them is their faulty model. And actually the whole model needs to be thrown out.
It's like who they are underneath, that is what they've been looking for. And so when you, the only way to do that is to actually start living it. And the lover is the beneficiary of the loving.
I'll say that again. The lover is the beneficiary of the loving. As you love, it comes from within you. Like the spring comes out and you are this sort of the banks of the river.
And as it comes out,
you feel it, you're fulfilled by it. And so that starts to guide you in life.
And then when you do that, you do it from a place of well being and then providence starts to support that. And this is the thing, is that it's our mistrust that we are supported by life, by God, by the creator, by source, whatever you want to call it.
And we think kind of like, oh, we'll just jump down here and do your best, dog eat dog.
Which is because we think from this good gain, bad loss. Yeah,
I know that was a lot.
It was a lot. It was very, I mean, for me that was very important to hear.
And you know, even just looking at my experience from this week,
I've, I've seen myself grow. And even though like today I was reflecting, I was like, you know what, Valerie, you're kind of like a half baked cookie and you want to be done really fast, but that's not how.
It goes,
you're never done. Yeah, you're never done,
right? So everybody who thinks they're going to be done, you're never done.
What you're doing, what you're in is a constant state of undoing.
And so when you start to enjoy that and be curious about that and understand that, that it's like if I was to put a ton of baggage on you, and I say you go away for 10 years and you can't put them down ever, and somebody walk followed you and had a little camera or a spy in the sky and every time you put in there and you got a little shock and you picked it back up
so you could never put it down. So eventually you got used to carrying all this weight and then you hit to this point in your life, your self revolution point, and it's like it's time to start putting it down.
And so instead of acquisition,
you start putting things down. And each thing you put down,
you go.
And we all know this, like if you're traveling and you've got your bags and everything, you get your hotel room or whatever and you put your stuff down, you flop on the bed and you go, oh, what a relief.
So the discovery of self is that relief when you put down the false self. It's not the acquisition of something,
it's the, it's the purification something. It's the deconstruction something. It's the, it's the releasing of something and discovery that you were that all along.
Yet the game, you might ask, is why that happens.
It's because we're all hardwired for approval. As a little baby, we're born, we have no ability, so we're hardwired for approval. So it's nobody's fault. Nobody is like worse than anybody in this context.
We all created this, this, this identity so that we could deconstruct the identity. Because as you deconstruct it, you discover truth.
So when you go, oh, I'm not that,
it's because the truth of what you are is revealed in the knowing of what you're not.
So you come in perfect.
You then think you're too much.
You suppress yourself.
You then create this identity that wants to acquire value because you've suppressed your own value. You then realize the self revolution moment, the cost wasn't worth the price,
never will be. You shift, you change somewhere in the middle of your life and you start putting that down.
And then slowly but surely as you put things down, you become lighter. And so in that lightness that's what. So when the shades is talked about, enlightenment, they were talking about that, is that when you start putting down this acquisition, you become lighter, you, you enter the moment going,
what can I give to the moment? You stop trying to insist, you feel insistence, you lean back,
you feel resistance, you lean in.
And you know what that feels like because it's peace, it's optimism, it's curiosity,
it's love. You, you, in any resistant moment,
the moment is asking you, what in this situation am I choosing not to love, that I could love, that is a reflection about what I'm hiding in myself. So there's basically a part of yourself that is actually representing itself outside of you that you want to judge,
because you judge that and yourself.
And so that's why people, places and things come into your life and they challenge you, is because it's asking you to put down that self judgment that created this idea that you weren't enough so that you had to create this identity.
And so when you welcome back what's called the inner child and all those wonderful curiosity and silliness and optimism and all these things back into your life,
then you're welcoming yourself. And the reason why anybody would judge you is, is because you actually have this self judgment that somehow you weren't good enough, but actually you were more than enough.
And the only way to know your true power is to look at, see the thing that you thought was the worst thing about you, the thing that you hid most, is actually your greatest gift.
It's the thing you got given extra of,
you know, going back to that thing about the kids and the sweets. So if I. My mum gave me a whole huge bag,
I go to the school and I go, do you want some? And they go, oh, you sure? I'm like, yeah, I got more than enough. Do you want some too?
Oh, yeah. Have I've got more than enough. And so you go around like sharing your suite, so to speak, so sharing the things that infuse you and you become an inspiration and then that creates aspiration in others to.
To do that also. And then everybody is going around sharing what they have like brought which they previously thought was there something to be shamed of.
And then suddenly all that shame starts to drop away because you actually live that which you felt to hide.
All right,
thank you.
So I know we're running out of time, so I have one more question, because a lot of people think that when we need to let go of things, we're also letting go of having material wealth and we're letting go of all these things, but you're not.
That's not really what's happening.
You're surrounded by people all the time. You're surrounded by friends, love, I could. And the way that you radiate your aura too. Like, you're super welcoming, you're super loving,
you have resources. It's not like, you know, you've meditated in force and now like, you don't have anything, right?
And so I want you to describe what is the difference between the way of being and how it is reflected in your external world from before and now.
So before,
I thought it was my business to basically to acquire the resources for me to do something.
And so I acquired a lot of resources.
But what I. What not only a lot of people do know is that literally at the end of my travels and I had retired and I had about.
And probably about 5 million pounds at the time I'd start my company and things like that. And I just had it, like, in shares and things like that. And I wasn't even paying attention.
I was backpacking. It was. I wanted to be like a monk. So I was, like, not even thinking about it. And then the day that I was coming back to the world,
that I'd sort of completed that journey, living with monks and aborigines and doing firewalking and climbing pyramids and Machu Picchu Trail and.
And all the things, right,
I was sort of, okay, now it's time to go back into the world. And I kind of think I've got an idea of this, as I say, this new operating system.
And I'm like, yeah, it's no longer reward and punishment, carrot and the stick. It's this, like, intrinsic motivation. It's that love is the absence of conditions.
It's that, you know, God, source, whatever is infinite potentiality. In other words, if it's infinite potentiality,
then basically it is no thing. Because to be in the no thing means it has the possibility of being everything.
So there is no. The. The actual truth about everything is it has no form.
It is the potential of anything. So therefore it. It is not the definition of anything.
So if you're following my thinking. So I started to realize this, but then I had to go. I was like, I gotta go back into the world and do it.
The day that I was at the island of Santorini, which is. Was very relevant because I was.
There's a whole story about my past lives. One of the things I was doing which I didn't believe in at the first and then I had these very surreal moments.
And it seems like, for me, anyway, I understand people have different ideas. They're very. They are true. There's no other way I can explain the things that happened to me and what I.
What I learned and what I discovered and what I actually found in the real world to back that up.
It's another story for another time. But essentially one of the places I was there,
which I was reflecting on my past life, where I had, quote, unquote, lost everything. And it was due to this volcanic eruption on this island of Vera,
which to this day is modern, say, Santorini. So I'm there, I sit down, I look at the.
The Internet and the email. And this was like, they were really slow back then. It was super slow. There was no smartphones and stuff like that. Anyway,
three emails.
All my wealth,
aside from my. I think. I think what I was left with was about a hundred thousand.
So basically a builder had taken all my money and not built that, renovated the home. The. There was a liquidator saying that you're. Your shares. And this big company had gone bust and they were now worth like pennies as opposed to, you know, the millions it had been.
And then finally my,
My business,
which owed me a bunch of money, the directors were like,
you know, because I'd basically bankrolled the business. Too much information, but a business thing. But anyway, the point is, they're like, we're going to close the business down unless you take this small amount, otherwise you're not going to get any of your money.
So I went from, oh, I don't ever have to work again,
because I really had worked hard to, oh,
it's. I'm back at zero.
Like, I, I'm. I can just got enough to pay a few things and get myself,
but that's about it.
And I. My biggest fear was that I would have to go back to this sort of mainstream thinking.
Yeah.
And I'm like, no, this is my opportunity.
Yeah.
Now I get to walk my talk. Now I get to live it. And that was. Yeah, that was over 20 years ago. So for 20 years I have just trusted. Now, do I know about finances?
Do I know about various business things? I do, but that's not my goal. I'm not making that my thing.
My goal is experiences. And for me to live this, this way that I'm living, to live to really live this.
And all I can say is that through that,
money arrives in these very unexpected ways.
It really does. It really magically arises.
I had to do an Investment to get a green card to live in America.
And you know, at one point there was the crash and I wasn't getting none of my investment back. But I kept. I very much work every day on this sort of.
No, I'm abandoned. I actually have this abundance thing that I read every day, first thing in the morning and then. And I just trusted and I'm like, okay, I'm being taken through this process of trust, okay.
And I trusted for a year and I kept sort of just being patient and. But showing up, it's like this context is that, you know, you're. You're not attached. Like, something has to happen the way you want it to happen.
And you, you get stressed out if it doesn't and you like, get fearful, but you're not detached. Like, oh, I'm spiritual and I'm all in the flow and da, da, da.
It's non attachment. So non attachment means I will.
I'm not attached to the result,
but I have a feeling of how I want to feel. So that's great. You can have the. I want to feel peaceful, I want to feel positive. I want to feel that I am out of my way and an expression of joy.
So this can. And how that happens currently, I think this is the way so you start moving towards it, but you're not attached to that particular result. And if it shifts and change and people change and people cancel and so all distractions,
you know, like, like a. Or, you know, it's like, it's. It's like what say all diversions are like,
like gifts to take you to, you know, a higher situation. Or,
you know, when you get delays, it's because you're giving up being given opportunity. Shift and change yourself. And so I just had. So basically I was put in a situation where I had to see if I could do that, you know,
and it's like,
it was very surreal moments where suddenly I'm on the phone trying to get a hundred thousand to get myself through six months, trying to borrow it.
And then this was the time before 2008. And then the person, the end of the line goes, oh, your house.
We can lend you a million.
Which was crazy. Like, and I'm like, what? No, do I do that? And then I sat with it, I thought about it, and okay, I'm going to take that and I'm going to invest it in building this retreat center on my property.
And I'm going to start offering this for people and transforming people. And so I decide. So it's like sometimes the world will take you into risk.
Yeah. So that you can have this experience of trust.
And slowly but surely it's like various things like that thing I told you about that investment because I waited instead of it. By the end of that situation,
it ended up actually making me money than when it looked like it was going to lose me everything.
And so part of the thing, the journey that you. You're taking on is that you have to move into this place of trust. Trust. You have to know that, that it's going to.
When you come from this place that isn't about perverting your authenticity,
that you will be supported.
And my experience has been that it has been.
Yeah.
And it doesn't mean I don't go through all the challenges. There's. There's many challenges. What she's not mentioning is that after all that traveling, I had 10 years where I called my life deaths, where every major financial,
legal,
social. I kind of. And I had two near death experiences.
So I certainly had that challenge where the biggest things that I'm attached to I had to put down.
But it was in that experience that I discovered the truth about what was going on and what I'm sharing.
I wish we had time to actually go through all of it, but I'm sure that's like an entire book of. Of life experiences.
Yeah.
Because like we didn't even go into what you did in your five years of spiritual journey and all that. Can we find that in your book by any chance? Or.
I mean the book. There's a few bits and pieces, there's a few anecdotes and there are some, some powerful ones. But it's again, it was like 76 countries and all the rest of it.
So it's like that. That is coming at another time. Like my. Like a. More like a biography.
Yeah.
The first book, the big you. The second book will be the wow of you, which is how to live this. How do you live this when you actually get it. And the third book is going to be the now of you.
And that's the context of where you actually move to this place of recognizing that things are happening through you, not to you.
But the ultimate thing is that I can leave you with in this sense is that what I learned, you know, in that space. So in this space of my body being here and then I'm witnessing it and I'm like this identity witnessing it.
But then there was another step back where I'm a presence,
I'm not the identity. And I'm looking at the identity. And I'm. That's. That. That's manifesting into the body. And I'm recognizing that. Actually the problem is the identity. And so I go back to the start.
We're not an identity. We're not an eye. And this defense of the eye is trying to survive every moment is what stops us from thriving. We literally, the whole system is designed to.
The only constant is change. I'm sure you've heard that, a lot of people heard that. But that even physiologically,
mentally, spiritually, we are always changing. And the idea of trying to hold onto it is the suffering. So when you try to enter a moment and your identity says, I want to survive this moment, it will avoid loss and it will try and acquire.
And then it will live this inauthentic life, which is unfulfilling, which is why we, quote, unquote, die, is because we get to let go of the body and the identity so that we can reincarnate to try again.
It's like we get lost in our avatar.
And so what I decided on when I had my second near death and I. I was at this place where I was from this side,
I was able to recognize that people talk about going towards the light, right?
So people talk about going towards the light. And what I realized is that it wasn't I going towards the light. It was that the. I had a limited perspective. This is my view.
I'm somebody.
And as that dissolved, as I wasn't, that all perspectives were available.
And in that context, if you look at the night sky and you see the stars and they're hitting your eyes, you say they're light and the rest is dark. But actually the night sky is full of light.
Light is moving everywhere. And we're only perceiving that which hits our eye and gets translated as light.
And so the point is that it's our limitation of perspective that sees light one place and darkness another. But when you don't have a limited perspective, I. As I was dissolving in this beautiful, most peaceful state because all the stress and,
you know, all the inauthenticity and all the goals and all the agendas and everything, as they dissolved away,
obviously there was nothing to interfere with the peace of this presence that I felt.
And then. But what happened is this perception of my limitation of an identity dissolved.
And then I. What. Rather than the me going towards the light, it was apparent the light was everywhere. So there was this feeling of this bright light, but it was actually the understanding that I was this light, that this Light was everywhere, that there isn't anything that isn't this,
as opposed to something going towards something.
And so the, when I came back, what I, what I decided there was this choice point was wouldn't it be amazing to come back to this life and kind of be like a virus for this new operating system?
And so everybody I speak to or like when I met you, and I'm doing these podcasts and you guys are listening to this, you can catch me on the Instagram or my book and various other things,
it's like this is a completely different operating system. It's like there's shifting the thing. So rather than each day, what can I get from this day being a good day and oh, I lost something today, it's a bad day, you switch it.
So it's not what you're gonna pick up in a day, it's what can I put down,
what challenges are gonna ask me to get rid, get out of the way of myself. And the more you're out of the way of yourself, the more you get to have this.
Your channel that love can express through you gets wider and wider. It's like you're the banks of the channel and the. And love is like washing away the banks of your identity that's trying to survive.
And when you stop trying to fight survive, you thrive.
And you start to understand that your only business in every moment is to love it. And the more you can love, that which is in front of you is actually the more you can love yourself.
And in that context you discover it's not about being loved,
it's about being love.
I'm going to ask one last question and you can answer as briefly or as elongated as you want.
Is it possible to act in faith and trust,
even in the presence of thoughts of fear and self doubt?
Absolutely. Absolutely.
So the psychology of this is much deeper. But, you know, we've created what I call the seven dwarves. So. So, you know, you got grumpy, sleepy, happy doc. My doc is very strong.
So Doc's your one who says, this is reality and you should do this and you shouldn't do this and should do that. And then Grumpy's the one who's like, oh, I'm so ****** off.
Why is Grumpy ****** off? Because you constantly don't. Grumpy's the voice. You're the repository where you put all the no's, that boy yeses or the yes that mean no. So in other words, every time you block your natural expression, it's like You've got a border control.
Here comes your natural expression. You go, hang on,
if we, are we going to embarrass ourselves? Are we going to annoy someone? Are we going to lose something? Are we going to not get the job? Are we going to lose our boyfriend?
Are we going to get blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah, is someone going to frown at us? Okay, we can't do that expression.
So there's like. And that energy has to go somewhere or it says, okay, but if we adjust this expression,
you can actually, you'll get a benefit. So we're constantly have this thing and so when you meet people in the morning and they're like, haven't quite woken up, it's like the computer whirring.
It's like they're booting. You're booting up your operating system,
you're booting up your, your applications with your identity.
It's not a real thing. You're reinstalling it every day.
You can choose to actually start developing awareness. So there's, there's. The steps are absolute awareness,
radical honesty, total responsibility,
elegant equanimity,
passionate love and inspired service.
So this is how you can like, if you want to, like a game plan for your life,
literally your whole life is like start moving through that. So the absolute awareness is when you start watching yourself, you start journaling,
you take a walk, you meditate, you do things, you find friends that you can actually honestly and vulnerably reflect to and they'll hold space and vice versa, you can exchange that way, but it's not about them fixing you or you fixing them, but you start to really be aware of who you are.
Because most people have this idea of who they are and when they actually start looking at it, when you start witnessing yourself developing the witness, the presence that's looking at the identity.
You see that it's a, that it's like, it's a, it's a bag of contradictions. It's like the computer has a startup folder and all the applications you've ever put on your computer, they say, can we put something in your startup folder?
And then after a while your computer starts slowing down. It's because every morning it's booting up all these different applications and some of them are odds with each other. And so our personality has, oh, I'm a little child and I've got to be careful and I've got to protect.
And then we might be a 50 year old adult. And so it's like, oh, I want to go out in the world and be brave. And so we're actually both of those are running at odds with each other, which exhaust us.
So it's like it's actually taking responsibility and looking in,
which is. That can be, you know, like reading books, doing workshops, doing therapy, and actually starting to develop awareness. Who am I in the sense of who is the small you identity that I built?
That's generally the who am I we're talking about. Who am I really, as I said, is love. And that's behind that. So you. You need to do figure out what did you make and see where it's.
It's been serving you. And when it's not serving you, there might be certain things that you're like, yeah, I want to keep that. But other things you're like, no, I don't.
So you still about this awareness and then you get radically honest, which is like, oh yeah, I can see the fact that I blamed other people for this, but ultimately I can trace it back to my ownership of that.
So you get radically. And that leads you to absolute responsibility,
which is like. Which is the biggest challenge. Most people are still stuck in the. To me that life is happening to them from other people. And this is the mindset and this is why we're set up this way.
And, and so obviously it's very difficult to that. But one of the reasons where it's difficult is because we don't want to own what we see as the negative, the loss.
If I said to you it's all you doing it and I talked about all the things you gained, you'd go, oh, absolutely, that's me. Absolutely. I can no problem with that and say, oh, but all the losses you choose, oh, no, that wasn't me.
That was everybody else.
Yeah.
So it's because we have this,
my. My operating system. That is not correct.
Good loss, bad gain.
We want to like own the the gain and disown the loss.
And this is what keeps us stuck in it.
So to get to absolute, you know, responsibility,
after you've so you awareness, you start looking and then radical honesty, which is like you start, oh, this is me. I can see the pattern. After three or four relationships, I can see I'm being triggered in the same way by different people and they did different things, but I still got triggered.
So you start to recognize that and then you go, okay, it's my responsibility. You might not understand it,
but. So it's also developing a part of your mind that you go, is the witness.
I don't fully understand this. I Don't get it right now why this is happening or why this person did this or why this got canceled or why I lost money, etc, you know, when I had what I said, you can imagine I'm sitting there in this computer by the end of 10 minutes,
I've got nothing from thinking I had everything. And I, the thing about it, the gift of it was that I didn't do anything to do that, right? So there wasn't a mistake I made.
So part of my understanding has come because most of the things that happened to me were quote, unquote, unjust. And so this is so that I have a very strong reasoning.
You know, I've been, there's all sorts of, let's say, terrible things that happened to me. The federal case was like a year and a half and they were going to put me in jail and I hadn't done what was, you know, I had to kind of, let's say, fight it.
But in the end I stopped fighting it and I just surrendered to it. And then that's when it shifted. But the point is that it's the unjustness of it that we fight against because we see it somebody else.
But when you recognize that actually this is happening for you,
not to you,
you shift the whole paradigm, even if you don't understand.
So there's many times where these big things happen to me and I'm like, I don't understand this, I don't understand why, but I know from my higher self that this is happening for me.
So let me just be patient and watch this process. And then you move and how to do that.
And so you need to develop equanimity.
And that's why the Buddha taught something called vipassana. And Vipassana is 10 days of silent meditation,
10 hours a day, which sounds really difficult, but the reason about it is it's difficult is because you sit with yourself.
That's actually, isn't it so crazy? And people, I couldn't do that. I can do that because you have to face yourself. And that's the point. So you have awareness and then you have to develop the equanimity because you're sitting there, you have bodily sensations, you like, get achy and.
And eventually by the sixth day, you stop moving. The first few days you're fidgeting and eventually you just stop moving and you become a witness to you and you become economist, in other words, which is that you don't have a reaction, good or bad.
There's a very famous little quote that people change and all the rest of it that people have probably heard. But the, there's a, there's a.
The one I heard is farmer in China,
and he has horses. And then the horses run away. And the neighbor comes over and says, oh, you lost the horses. ****, that's terrible.
Good, could be bad, you know, we'll see.
And then the horses come back the next day and they bring some wild horses. And then. And the neighbor comes over, oh, my God, that's amazing. You just got three horses.
And that'd be great for your farms. Like, could be good, could be bad. We'll see. And then the son is training the horses, gets thrown off and breaks his leg.
And then they was like, oh, my God, how are you going to work the farm? Your son does all this work. This is terrible.
Could be good, could be bad. And then the next day, the emperor comes and is conscripting all the young men, takes the neighbor's kid away, and the neighbor comes, oh, my God, I've lost my son.
He's gone to war. I may never see him again.
You know, and. And the, the son, obviously, broken leg, got left. Could be good, could be bad. And so the context about that is that we really don't know the whole picture.
And we have to develop this trust.
It is all happening for us. And when. And the reason we. It's so difficult is because we decided good is gain, bad as loss. But when you recognize that it's actually good loss,
purification and bad gain, pollution,
then suddenly the whole game changes. So rather than. And then you're able to be economists about, oh,
this person left my life. Oh, I lost this job. Change.
You know, it's like when I work with people and they come and go, I've just lost my job. I go, how long did you. How long were you sad at that job?
And they'd be like, what? Like.
But no, it was. And it wasn't my fault. And, And I worked hard. Yeah, but how long have you not wanted to be there?
And eventually that. Two years. I'm like,
okay, so you took a long time to manifest that until you really feel like you had no choice, like they did it to you. Same in relationships so often we wait and we wait and we don't want to leave the relationship.
We've committed.
I did this and committed. I'm going to be honorable. I'm going to show up. And then eventually the other person that you think is almost amazing does something, whether they have an affair or whatever like that.
And you're like, what?
But Then you get to leave like guilt free. So it's almost like you're acquiring reasons until,
you know, eventually you say or you know, a lot of women these days leave relationships. They feel more empowered to do that than they did 20, 30 years ago.
But they'll say in it and then they'll acquire things, annoyances and irritations and eventually go, you know, I did the best,
I gave it the best of my, I could and you know, I'm done.
Rather than in the moment going, you know what? This was working for me and it's not working for me now. I'm not talking about the challenge to the ego.
I'm talking about really understanding when you've created something or got into a relationship as the false self,
which most of us do, we get in and we,
we, we, we, we're in lack, we're being inauthentic and we want to find somebody else that can like make us feel safe, that can make us feel seen. But we're still trying so hard to be approved of that, that we're not being ourselves.
So we don't feel seen and we don't feel safe. And then, and we, then we're looking for that. And then the minute something happens, then we get like, that's it.
I'm not going to put up with this. But really,
you know,
the ultimate problem is that we are not going to find in somebody else what we're not willing to give to ourselves. And if we're not willing to be authentic and really value who we are, no matter what it seems like we're not going to find anybody that's going to do that either.
And so it's always a reflection. So essentially when you start living this authentic, your job might change, your relationship might change, where you are, what you, what you're doing with your life might change.
You might even be in a passion filled thing that you, like me, got to the point where you started perverting it and you're ready to let it go and trusting that in that space something else will arise.
So when we have space in my life, when we honor, when we see loss is good because loss is the opportunity for the new. If you've, if you're, if you're holding something in your hand, you can't receive anything.
And so we're also busy with our container of acquisition that we can't actually really receive anything. So we have to grasp it, we have to pull it in, we have to try and work for it.
But when you are willingly what comes, let Come what goes, let go, what stays, let's stay. So something can arrive in your life, a partnership, a friend or a business, whatever, or a passion, and it can stay there your whole life, but you don't do anything to make it stay.
You're not trying to pervert yourself the minute you, you do something to make it stay. You're not being authentic. Your job is to be as authentic as you can. And you know you're being authentic because you're not in insistence and you're not in resistance insistence that you're not trying to fix,
you're not trying to change somebody else. And you're not trying to resist. You're not trying to resist your own change. You're not trying to resist holding onto something that always obviously wants to move because there will.
Life will always give you upgrades if you give it the space it wants to deliver you an upgrade.
And the upgrade is not that it's better than the person, place or thing, it's that it's more in alignment with who you are now.
So life is reflective.
And if you don't, if you hold on to the past,
you keep yourself in a, in a container a bit like this. We're in the year. The snake,
the skin of the snake. The snake has to go to a certain point,
acquiring, eating, but then it has to let go. It has to let go of its skin and it's super vulnerable. So we have to get safe with being vulnerable.
And so we have to get economists going, okay, could be good, could be bad, this situation, but essentially I know I'm going to lose a bunch of stuff here and that's going to be a purification that's going to be good for me,
not it's going to be bad for me. So when we stop trying to avoid loss and we see losses more, the opportunity for space to invite in the unexpected.
I was sharing earlier. I had the most surreal night last night where I trusted this,
ended up having this space and in this space,
ended up in this evening of fun and joy that was beyond,
beyond my imagination, really was a beyond. I couldn't have imagined that I would be in Amsterdam on the beach at sunset, watching a wrestling match, listening to a Mexican skanking band with a whole ton of people celebrating.
Never in my wildest dreams would not have been. So what I'm saying is that even if you know everything, if you knew everything on the Internet, you would still be limited from the perspective of the all from the big you and from God, from source.
And so when you start to recognize that if something is being moved away, it's giving space for something to be delivered. That is an upgrade for you because it's more in alignment.
It's asking you to live more authentically, to be the love that you are.
Then you start trusting that and the more you start trusting that, the more that's how life starts to support you.
Amazing. Thank you so much, Paul. I could ask you questions forever, but we're going to leave it at that.
Absolutely.
Go enjoy the rest of this beautiful day and yeah, it's been so cool.
Thank you so much.
Yeah.
And I think we'll put on the like the links I have the Instagram, it's free. I post pretty much three, four times a week, little videos and stuff and there's 1800.
So many things there. And then obviously there's the audiobook and the book where a lot of what I'm, what I've been saying is being put into a more concise and it's, it's like three hours or 100 pages.
So it's, it really is kind of,
I'd say thick. Meaning that each paragraph is like almost like a life changing paragraph.
But the thing I want to leave you with is, is this really understanding that you are not this identity that you are so struggling.
All your struggle is you trying to survive the moment with the identity and that's what's stopping you from thriving.
So just to start welcoming loss as an understanding that it's the purification that anything that's moving out of your life you and to adopt an open hand policy and then you will find that you are divinely provided for, that you really are supported and you become an inspiration to yourself and an aspiration to others and life really starts to just have the joy and the peace that you have been striving so hard.
It was there all along when you stopped that game.
So I just welcome that for you.
Thank you.
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