[00:00] Tiffany Dyer: Hey there.
[00:00] Valerie Beck: I'm Valerie Huang Beck, founder of the vibrant visionary and host of from the Ashes podcast. And I have something really exciting to share today.
[00:09] So every year inside my vibrant visionary collective, we do something called the True you Story.
[00:16] And it's where I invite my members to share their real stories of personal growth and transformation with each other.
[00:23] No filters, no highlight reels of fake perfection,
[00:26] just raw, honest truth of where they've been, their challenges, and their inner battles that we all fight in this journey we call life.
[00:35] Every time we do this, I'm reminded of something I know deep down.
[00:39] Real transformation doesn't happen if you keep trying to hide who you truly are.
[00:46] And it doesn't happen by doing the same thing over and over again,
[00:50] wishing for different results.
[00:52] It happens when you're willing to be seen and to take risks.
[00:58] Now, today, I'm so excited to share my member Tiffany's story and she has given us permission to share the story with the world.
[01:08] This is actually her second time doing the True youe Story. And the difference between year one and now,
[01:14] it's like hearing from a completely different person because she is.
[01:19] When Tiffany first started, everything looked fine on the outside. She had the good job, the stability,
[01:25] the life that should have felt good.
[01:27] But inside, something was off and she was showing up being like,
[01:33] I know I could do more with my life.
[01:35] So as you listen, I want you to really ask yourself,
[01:39] where do you see yourself in Tiffany's story?
[01:42] And what might be possible for you if you stopped hiding and actually allowed yourself to. To change?
[01:49] Without further ado, this is Tiffany's true you.
[01:53] Tiffany Dyer: Okay, I think we're good to go then.
[01:55] So today's True you. I'm. I'm really grateful for the chance to share.
[02:00] I almost titled this where we Last Left Our Heroes because that's how I almost always continue meetings. And it really feels like this is a continuation of a story I told a year ago where I was talking about being afraid and, and I was talking about how,
[02:17] you know, just different things in my life and my childhood led me to a point where I had self destructive tendencies and I really didn't know who I was.
[02:26] But through this process of working with Valerie and working with all of you in what was Club Phoenix and it's now vibrant visionary collective, I have really found my voice in a lot of ways and it's been an interesting journey because it's been a utterly transformative and I will say that I feel I have essentially experienced and I'm in the process as well of Reaching like,
[02:51] this real transition stage where my previous sense of who I was or maybe it's ego, it has died.
[02:59] I have experienced, like, a total death and rebirth in this group.
[03:04] I'm really excited to kind of share with you what that specific process was like.
[03:09] So really like,
[03:10] what was one of the catalysts. When I really look back, I figured out it was right around spring or summer of 2024, and even before then as well. I realized that I used to cry when I meditate.
[03:24] And I actually thought that was normal. I thought it was normal to just like, feel this quiet sense of desperation and overwhelm whenever I sat down still.
[03:36] And for me, I think,
[03:39] when I think back, that was the first sign that something really, really had to change, and it had to change now.
[03:45] So how did that really kind of translate for me? I realized there was a misalignment in my mind, body and spirit,
[03:52] even though I felt like I was doing all the right things.
[03:54] So I don't know if you've all been there, but you felt like, oh, if I just get the right job, if I just get a certain salary, if I live in a certain place, if I have a certain relationship status,
[04:04] things are going to be good, right? But, you know, I. I was at a point in the summer even of 2024, where I had a job that I felt was very respectable and aligned with my mission.
[04:16] Right? I work for Marie Kondo's company,
[04:19] and she is like the Spark Joy Tidying person. So I feel so strongly about what she does.
[04:24] That was incredible at the time, too. I was married eight, and,
[04:29] you know, I felt that that was a huge milestone that I never thought that I would achieve.
[04:34] And I also felt like, you know what? Like, I'm relatively healthy, right? Like, I don't. I don't have to worry about anything. So I didn't understand where this disconnect was.
[04:43] And it wasn't actually until I hosted a retreat in Japan for the company I work for in 2024 that things really started to become clear to me that it's just the things I thought should matter don't.
[04:57] And I had to really focus on what does matter, which is me. But I will get into that on this retreat. It was incredibly transformative. And being around Marie Kondo, who, by the way, she lives fully present,
[05:12] there is this essence to her that is both calm and elevating at the same time.
[05:19] She chooses Joy even when it's uncomfortable.
[05:23] And it's just something very interesting and hard to describe, but she's one of Those people where when she looks at you,
[05:31] you feel like she's seeing inside your essence. It's like you're connecting to someone who is truly connecting to who you are.
[05:39] Not body,
[05:40] right, but just your entire kind of soul.
[05:44] So being connected to kind of Marie and her philosophy in Japan with a bunch of people who were also experiencing this massive transformative experience,
[05:58] it left me feeling like I was almost at a loss because I got home from that trip and I said, okay, I have no excuses anymore because I just feel inspired.
[06:09] I want to change and I want to do better for myself.
[06:13] So I came home and at the time,
[06:16] I was ready to finally face some truths about my reality.
[06:20] And the biggest truth that I had to face was that I was still white, knuckling my way through life.
[06:25] This is a theme I've had my entire life, by the way. I've always felt like, oh, I've gotta have control. And then I try to over control it and I don't know why, but I felt like I had no energy.
[06:37] I constantly felt like I had no time. I had no time to do anything. I was always running just to catch up.
[06:44] And I felt like no matter how much I tried to catch up, I would still be in last place up here,
[06:49] right? Taking naps all the time.
[06:52] I also, over the course of several years, had. Had gained quite a bit of weight. So I was lethargic,
[06:59] feeling sick all the time.
[07:00] Looking at this Tiffany now, right?
[07:03] If you asked her, hey, what's going on with you?
[07:06] She would say, there's obviously something wrong with my hormones and I'm an office worker, so because I'm sedentary,
[07:13] that's why I'm tired all the time. And I might possibly have irritable bowel syndrome or maybe some thyroid thing. I have no idea.
[07:19] I was giving myself any excuse I could hold onto, even if it didn't make sense or have any basis in reality to just keep living the way I was living.
[07:30] But at the time, I just felt really weak and overwhelmed. And I knew that after that Japan trip, I had to do something,
[07:39] but I didn't know where to start, which is why I started reaching out, right? So I reached out to Val and I started talking to her about her club.
[07:48] And again, at the time it was called Club Phoenix. And I really loved that because she was talking a lot about burnout. And I felt like even though I, on, on the surface I was passionate, there was something missing.
[08:02] And I had all the symptoms of burnout.
[08:05] Even though at the time I wasn't really calling it burnout. So I knew there was something. We had a conversation,
[08:11] and she talked to me a little bit about the type of work we do in this group.
[08:16] And one thing that I really loved as well is I felt totally disconnected to my body at the time.
[08:21] So remember, I was blaming my body for my feelings as well. I was saying, there's something wrong with me. I don't know what it is,
[08:27] but I'm just. I'm tired all the time.
[08:31] And I realized that I could really use her expertise as well, not only on kind of overcoming the mental hurdles of burnout,
[08:39] but taking a look at nutrition from more of a spiritual view. And that's where Ayurveda came in. So I wanted to understand how food was connected to the big picture, too.
[08:49] So how was it when I started? I was hopeful, but also doubtful at the same time. There were a lot of kind of contradictions going on in my head. So I thought,
[08:59] I want more. I don't know if I can get it. I now see that that might have been issues of self worth, right?
[09:04] I was afraid,
[09:06] so afraid to speak in these groups when I first started, too. I didn't know how to share my own opinion. I had spent most of my life talking about other people's missions and talking about or representing what other people thought.
[09:20] Realizing now, I realize now that I was actually silencing myself to avoid being seen or taking the risk of being rejected.
[09:27] Something else I learned in this group by facing some of those shadows. It sounds like we're all working on right now, too.
[09:35] So even just joining the group,
[09:37] participating and being in a space that I knew I was truly safe to kind of try new things and put myself out there,
[09:44] it gave me the mindset that I am supposed to live more fully. So it's not just something I want. It's something I am meant to do and we're all meant to do.
[09:53] I'm meant to discover myself. I'm meant to share more with the world. It felt super overwhelming.
[09:59] But just having that small seed of truth uncover itself within me was a huge catalyst toward probably the last year and a half of change.
[10:11] So I took a series of small changes. First,
[10:14] I decided first to focus on sleep. So I remember I cut out caffeine as soon as I started this program. That was one of the. We did like a week detox and I cut caffeine,
[10:24] drank more water,
[10:25] and then started just paying attention to what I was putting in my body. So just noticing, when am I eating,
[10:32] when am I craving Am I craving out of hunger or boredom?
[10:36] Right.
[10:37] What type of food am I reaching for?
[10:39] And then in the long term, I did know that I wanted to straighten out and honor my body by adding kind of that physical element to this transformation and preferably losing some weight.
[10:50] But at the time, the. The most important thing was getting the energy back and introducing movement into my life.
[10:57] So when I cleared up my sleep and started having more energy by eating more nutritious foods,
[11:04] I got to the gym and started trying new activities as well,
[11:09] or rather, new ish.
[11:11] So I picked up some weights in the gym and discovered that I absolutely love weightlifting. I love the challenge of pushing myself beyond what my perceived limit is and then feeling stronger as a result.
[11:23] So, you know, I took a couple of those steps, setting up those habits and built on it. And that was a theme, by the way, that I've had and I continue to have,
[11:32] but it doesn't mean it was easy. So, you know, when I first started really weightlifting at the gym, I remember I've described it as feeling like you're almost cosplaying a gym person.
[11:44] So I'd be like, wearing the outfit and doing the thing inside. I felt awkward. I felt like I didn't belong there. I felt like I didn't know how to use the machines.
[11:54] And I also felt like I was looking around and everybody somehow, like, knew how to do the thing at the gym.
[12:00] And I also had this weird, irrational thought that they all knew each other, but I didn't know any of them.
[12:05] So there's a lot of, like,
[12:07] mental obstacles I had to overcome to try to embrace this new active lifestyle that I really enjoyed and wanted to do.
[12:16] And I kept showing up. That was the point is, I was sometimes tired, sometimes I didn't feel that great because I was still working right on some of those foundational elements of health.
[12:26] But I showed up anyway and I said, you know what? The least I can do is show up for myself.
[12:32] That's it. Just get there and then, like, feel worried and have all these feelings. But in the end, I always felt a little bit better.
[12:39] So after a few months of just showing up and doing the thing, I did start seeing noticeable strength gains and improvements. And that was a big turning point for me.
[12:50] So,
[12:51] you know, I started really feeling not even like I belong. It took me a very long time to feel like I belong at the gym. And even now, I sometimes have my days where I do feel that way and sometimes I don't feel that way.
[13:04] But I remember in the beginning I Had this moment. It was almost like an epiphany where I realized that I, at least, was clinging to this idea that people either are athletic or they're not.
[13:15] They are naturally strong or they're not. It's like a personality trait, right? They're confident, they're disciplined. But I'm not. They just have something I don't. You know, I'm obviously different.
[13:25] And I think I used to feel this way because it made it kind of, like, easier for me to accept less for myself and to play it small. Because if there's just something fundamentally different about me, then I don't have to get out of my comfort zone and try and then potentially fail.
[13:41] But there was a turning point after those few months, and I started seeing change when I realized,
[13:47] if I'm changing, probably all these people around me who I thought were just, like, born at the gym,
[13:54] I bet they've put in a bunch of work, too, and they have their own things that they're working out as well, and they have their own areas of confidence and areas where they're working on, too.
[14:07] So I realized that I might have been thinking about it backwards, where strength isn't something you naturally have. It's something that you have to work really hard to cultivate and make.
[14:17] So, yeah, it's. The stronger I got at the gym,
[14:20] the more it dawned on me as well that this is actually, like, a total transformation. I started having shifts in not only how I felt about working out,
[14:30] but I realized I could apply the same principles of doing, Doing one small thing at a time and showing up, even if I was uncomfortable,
[14:37] to my entire mindset. That changed my whole way of being right. And I'm still in that process right now.
[14:45] So I realized that I was finally moving forward and achieving things that I thought honestly were impossible.
[14:52] And that wasn't because I just woke up one day and I'm like, oh, cool,
[14:56] now I know how to bench press, right?
[14:59] It's because I was consistently showing up and trying new things and improving one small, small change at a time.
[15:08] So I started applying this to other areas of my life.
[15:11] And that's also where this collective came into play, because I started sharing my opinions. We started talking about getting your message out there. We started working together as well about what are our values?
[15:25] What do we stand for?
[15:27] Meanwhile, outside of the group,
[15:30] I was kind of doing this in action, too. So I started telling people when I was uncomfortable. That was huge. Like, I never used to do that. I would just take it, you know, And I was Always a peacekeeper as well,
[15:44] all throughout childhood. So, like,
[15:47] didn't want to tell someone something that would make them uncomfortable. But now I do. Now I enforce boundaries. Now I share with people what's important to me. So if there's some sort of values clash,
[15:58] right. I'm not afraid to.
[16:00] Not only do I know what I want to say or how to express my values, but I'm not afraid to share that.
[16:06] And I'm also working on this, but I'm becoming,
[16:10] through practice, and this is a work in progress,
[16:13] but becoming less afraid to hear people disagree with me and say, no, it's fine.
[16:20] So I've also been putting myself out there as well, telling people what I'm interested in, asking them to hang out with me, and, like, making real friends.
[16:29] So that's been, like,
[16:30] really cool too, you know, I've gotten to know all of you here.
[16:33] I consider you all also part of my friend circle and my circle of people I feel safe with. Right.
[16:39] That was important for me to have not only here, but in the real world, too. So I started talking to people.
[16:45] And even now I'm, like, talking to people more at the gym and going to neighborhood events.
[16:50] So after a year of applying these principles of consistency and embracing, honestly, embracing change and discomfort,
[16:59] I felt like a totally different person.
[17:02] And it's kind of funny because it seems abrupt when people see my before and after photos, for example, or when they kind of hear me speak now and they haven't seen me in a while.
[17:13] It feels like, whoa, you feel like you changed overnight.
[17:15] But in reality, it honestly was a series of small steps and a lot of patience to get here.
[17:23] So I actually. I wanted to put this picture on the left there, too, because I feel I received this comment probably regarding my appearance and my demeanor, how I present myself quite a bit now.
[17:35] People say I look like much younger than I used to look.
[17:40] And I feel like part of it is because I just feel more alive and aligned.
[17:44] So that energy is now coming out of me in a way that it didn't used to. So you can see the picture on the left was me a handful of months into my journey of transformation.
[17:55] And then the one on the right was one year later.
[17:58] And I just. I feel like I feel like a different person. So it doesn't surprise me that I feel like it also comes out, too.
[18:06] So now I'm focused on connection and communication. And I feel truly, too, that it's my mission to share this with others so they can feel empowered to take that first step.
[18:16] Because the story I have right now is one that I would have wanted to hear a year ago.
[18:21] So really, it's like,
[18:23] if I had to boil it down, I would say two things come to mind in terms of my complete kind of identity shift is it's that one.
[18:33] A lot of things that we think that people just have or don't have are actually skills you can cultivate or you can grow and develop.
[18:41] And that it's not overnight. It takes a series of small steps. And some of those steps can feel insignificant, but they add up to major change.
[18:52] And this was another shift that I had too, that you don't become strong and then you take action,
[18:57] right?
[18:58] There's no right time to change because honestly,
[19:04] the act of changing and actually leaning into a version of yourself that you're not used to, it's never going to feel like the right time because it always feels uncomfortable and always feels really scary.
[19:15] So truly, you do have to take action until you feel you become strong.
[19:20] So where am I today? Working on alignment has made me respect myself more. For one,
[19:25] I now know what's important for me, and I don't settle for situations,
[19:29] especially if they require me to sacrifice my own values or energy.
[19:34] I'm getting a stronger sense of my own independence and boundaries, and I'm daring to dream even bigger. So Valerie knows, because we've talked about this,
[19:44] but I'm embracing this concept of limitlessness.
[19:48] So before I just wanted to be okay, but now I truly am working toward a mindset where there is no limit to things. So what if there's no limit to the amount of energy I can apply to something?
[20:02] What if there's no limit to the sense of time that I have in my day because I'm fully in the moment, I'm fully present,
[20:09] actualized.
[20:10] What if there's no limit to my earnings or sense of abundance? Right?
[20:16] I think the answer actually is that there isn't. So I need to just live that. Right? And that's the. That's the next evolution for me too, is taking this sense of strength that I have within myself and just expanding it limitlessly.
[20:33] And I do wanna point out too, that this stuff is, like, not easy. I have done so much work with all of you and on my own, and I've had to face some of the hardest things in my life because I'm choosing not to settle.
[20:47] And this is the hard truth that I actually wasn't. If you asked me a year ago, I wasn't ready to hear this.
[20:54] Right? But I. I understand it now more than anything, that sometimes you have to sacrifice who you were to become who you're meant to be.
[21:04] That is really hard.
[21:07] But for me, at least, I'm still on that journey, and it is 100% worth it.
[21:12] So right now,
[21:14] compared to a year ago, I'm so grateful because I know who I am.
[21:18] I can articulate what I stand for because I understand my values,
[21:23] and my sense of alignment is better than ever.
[21:26] And I think this is probably one of the best things, too, is I am ready and willing to advocate for myself now,
[21:33] even when it's hard or uncomfortable.
[21:36] So old Tiffany, the one that I've let go of and the one that, honestly,
[21:41] she's gone, this new Tiffany is here. The old Tiffany used to avoid problems and hope they go away.
[21:48] I felt like I used to have to earn love or approval, and I used to try to keep the peace by staying silent. And I also felt, too, that it was my responsibility to solve everybody's problems.
[21:58] Those were huge weights on me that I have let go of. And now the new me that transformed me is moving into a limitless future where I expect the same amount of integrity and respect that I give to other people.
[22:12] I listen to my inner voice. I protect my energy.
[22:15] And I realized, too, that strength sometimes means saying no.
[22:19] It's a work in progress.
[22:21] It's always going to be a work in progress. So this new version of me, by the way, is still not a hundred percent comfortable. And even standing up and being here with you today and telling you that sometimes I say no is actually really scary for me still.
[22:37] But it's something that I'm getting more used to the more that I do it a lot like the workouts I have at the gym.
[22:44] So I'm feeling strong. I'm feeling great. I am someone who is strong through and through, no matter what. And more than anything, I'm so grateful to have discovered that some of these things that I thought you have or you don't, you can cultivate.
[22:59] I have cultivated it. You can develop it and grow it. And it honestly is through a series of small steps and small commitments to yourself. And every single day,
[23:09] we have a chance to practice it.
[23:12] Thank you.
[23:14] Valerie Beck: Okay, so wasn't that freaking amazing?
[23:16] Tiffany's journey is such a reminder for all of us that we can be doing everything right and still feel disconnected when life doesn't fit anymore.
[23:25] And what shifted for her wasn't just a quick fix or an overnight realization.
[23:31] It was her decision to get honest,
[23:33] take ownership, and step into alignment with who she really is.
[23:38] Tiffany Dyer: Now.
[23:38] Valerie Beck: If you felt something in her story,
[23:40] here's what you can do. Next,
[23:42] head over to the vibrantvisionary.com we've got lots of options. You check out more podcast episodes,
[23:49] grab our blueprint,
[23:50] or if you want to reflect, sign up for a newsletter.
[23:54] But if you're at that point where you know something needs to change,
[23:58] don't put it off.
[24:00] Book your Vibrant Vision session with me and we'll map out what's going on for you and what shifting forward can actually look like.
[24:08] Thank you so much for hanging out with me today for listening to Tiffany's story.
[24:12] Drop a comment, share what resonated, and when you're ready, I'll see you in the session.
